Friday, September 30, 2011


Well everybody....I have some news.

I passed!

I passed my nursing boards on Monday and found out I passed. I am now a LPN. How bout' them apples?

I really left there thinking I didnt do to good because the types of question that I had were ones that i always got wrong in class. So I was worried, I even cried on the way home, half because the questions and I think half because of the stress and relief that it was over.

I'll have to keep you updated on the job search from now on!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

pic of the week

This is another winter pic. This time, the snow is starting to melt, but you can still see that the tree is frozen.

Monday, September 26, 2011

It's Now or Never

^This is how I feel^

Today is the day. In four hours, I will be taking my nursing boards. I'm freaking out. I think I need a Valium.

I was studying again last night, and I definitely hit the wall. There is no more to be memorized, there is no more to learn, this is all I know.

It's not even the test that scares me....which is strange. It's the "what-if" game I keep playing in my head. The whole reason I went for my LPN instead of waiting to get into a RN school is because I wanted to have a career and make more money then I'm making now, before we get married. Now it's here. I don't know what I'm, going to do if I don't pass this test. I'll be letting everyone down; Jamie, my parents, my teachers, myself. And if I don't pass, I don't know what my next step is. It will be probably impossible for me to pass it again.

I think I'm just making myself crazy. I feel like crying because of all the pent up emotions I have going on here. OMG!!!

It will all be done soon. No matter what happens today, I know I really did put my best into this and I need to try and give myself credit for that at least.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

pic of the week

This is a duck. I like this picture because of the detail. I like how you can see all the rocks in the bottom of the pond and ripling of the water by the ducks feet.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

No Wedding Plans for the Bride

Me and Jamie are getting married in just about one year from now. October 20, 2012. We have been engaged since 2009, so you could imagine that I'm actually getting excited that now my wedding is actually an acceptable distance away. Well, most brides would be so excited to be planning their weddings, its all about the details. There is so much to think about and many decisions to be made that it doesnt happen overnight. I have been planning and researching this wedding since the time we got engaged; thats a long time. Now, I'm not saying I know all the details that I want, but I have a pretty good idea. However...eventhough we are coming upon the one year and counting's still TOO early to plan anything....

Nobody seems to care about any plans I might have or anything I might want to do. Now, obviously it's a little early to pick out my flower arrangements and things of that sort....all I'm asking is to start getting addresses together and finalizing the guest list ( I have save-the-date cards to send out soon) and go dress browsing. Apparently, thats too much to ask for too.

I give my mother and Jamie the simple task of getting some addresses for me that I cant get myself, his family members that I don't know, and my mothers work friends that I don't know. Was that done?....No. I don't know. Is that really much to ask. I want to be able to plan something but it seems like its still TOO early.

I want to go look at wedding gowns, but I can;t because my mother is not into it yet. She wants me to buy my dress in Feburary. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I would still like to go looking at them. I have tried some on and I found one I truely do like and would like to show my mother, but I can't. It's still TOO early.

I would never have such a long engagement, but I was trying to give us e nough time to finish school first. I would not reccomend a long engagement unless you have family and friends that actually are involved and are excited for you.

Just sad I guess.

pic of the week

This picture I tok with a home-made camera, its the negative, which I think came out way better then the normal picture. Its just a rock. But I like the way it looks.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sorry bout' the non-posts

Sorry everybody for not posting much lately. I am trying to fix that. I started this blog to try and get into something that my fiance is into. I have to admit, its not really MY thing. Not that I mind it or anything, just I dont have much to say right now, and I have a lot on my mind, and when that happens, sometimes I tend to do absolutly nothing.
I've been worried about my upcoming test. I finally got my test number today, so now I can schedule to take my State Boards for nursing. Its scary.
I worked very hard to get to this point, and I just don't want to fail. And then I think about actually be responsible for peoples lives and its a little intimidating. I mean, people will be depending on me. I kind of have that responsibilty now being a nurses aide, but its deffinitly a totally different spectrum.
All I keep thinking about is that test. What if I fail?...What if I pass? What if I can't find a job? What is going to be my first mistake as a nurse? Will it be big or small? How am I ever going to remember everything I need to know? I trust myself to do the right thing, and I know my boundaries and limitations. I would never put someone in harms ways because I was unsure about something. It's just so crazy to me that I'm going to be trusted with families loved one's in their time of need. Craziness.
Just ranting a litle bit. Really thinking about the NCLEX. Wow. Its Finally here.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Pic of the Week

This is a pic I took at my brothers basevall game. It has a little white mark in the middle of it for some reason. But, I kind of like kind of makes it more retro or old school in a way.

What Grinds my Gears

For this week..what grinds my gears is about my professional life.

Some of you may know that I have just finished a very intense LPN program. It was a 10 month program, 5 days a week with very little breaks. I had clinicals 4 days a week and probably at least 3 tests a week. We studied various subjects at a time. At one time i was in a BSN program at a very good school, and I don't think it was as hard as this was. I just finished my tour in June and am now awaiting to take my state boards.

Now, what bothers me is the difference between LPN's and RN's. I know the differences, and I know the similarities. We learn the same stuff...maybe they learn it in a little more detail, but I learn a lot of detail myself. And I'm sorry, but i don't know of any RN programs that you have to learn all you need to know in 10 months 5 days an week ( 4 clinical days, 1 class day).

My beef is when people come up to me and when are you gonna go for RN? Or they are gonna continue, right? I mean...why can't I just get a congratulations without feeling like I'm still being belittled by people and their opinion's. I mean, i understand there are more job opportunities and more money to make becoming an RN, but that doesn't mean LPN's are of the lower class of nurses.

I worked very damn hard these past 10 months and I am so proud of myself. I am proud to call myself an LPN.

I do plan on continuing for my RN after the wedding. I want to do that because i want to work in labor and delivery, and because of the acuity of that kind of environment, they need RN's. Which is fine with me, because I will be working there one day. But i am NOT moving on in education because I think I need to or because i feel that the LPN role is inadequate...because it is anything but that.

Friday, August 26, 2011

My Love, My Life

This post is a little different. This one is for PTM. But first, a little side note.

If you really knew me, I am a huge fan of music. I mean, I can be it the worst mood possible, just found out the worst news I could hear; but if I turn on some tunes, it really does put me in such a better mood. Sometimes I think if I actually had some musical talent, I would pursue a career in music.

Back to PTM. Instead of of just writing my feelings for him, I'm going to put some lyrics from songs that make me think of him. Hope he likes it. :-)


My first love, your every breath I take, your every step I take.
~Endless Love by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross

There'll always be sunshine when I look at you. It's just something I can't explain, just the things that you do.
~Always and Forever by Luther Vandross
( Our first dance song :-) )

All my life, I prayed for someone like you, and I thank God that I finally found you.
~All My Life by KC and JoJo
( This one actually makes me tear up I LOVE this song)

And I meant every word I said, When I said that I love you I meant that I love you forever.
~Keep on Loving You by REO Speedwagon

I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I can call my own.
~At Last by Etta James

Your still the one I run to, The one I belong to. Your still the one I want for life. Your still the one that I love, the only one I dream of. Your still the one I kiss goodnight. Your still the one.
~Your Still the One by Shanie Twain

I do cherish you, For the rest of my life, You don't have to think twice, I will love you still.
~ I Do, Cherish You performed by 98 Degreese

I would give up everything before I'd separate myself from you. After so much suffering, I've finally found a man that true. I was all by myself for the longest time, So cold inside. And the hurt from the heart it would not subside,I felt like dying, Until you saved my life.
~Thank God I Found You by Mariah Carey and 98 Degrees

Oh lets, lets stay together. Loving you whether whether, times are good or bad happy or sad.
~ Lets Stay Together by Al Greene

I've been really tryin', baby. Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long, And if you feel like I feel, baby, Then come on, oh, come on
Whoo, let's get it on
~Lets Get It On by Marvin Gaye

Sugar pie honey bunch, you know that I love you. I cant help myself, I love you and nobody else.
~ I Can't Help Myself ( Sugar Pie Honey Bunch) by Four Tops

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Pic of The Week

This picture, is from the top of Mt. Vesuvius, the Pompeii volcano. I traveled to Rome on a study abroad trip in summer 2007. Me and some of my friends took a side tip to Pompeii to see the ruins on one of our days off. I couldn't even explain the feeling I had, probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. We went to the very top of the volcano...I could literally look inside of it. This is just one of the views from the top overlooking the towns below.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

What Grinds My Gears

This grinds my gears is actually more of a back-story of my life then anything...but once you read and find out all I went through when it comes to my will understand why it does grind my gears.
I graduated high school summer of 2006 at the age of 17. Behind me, I had left 12 years of softball games, drama club, chorus, C-student grades, a certificate to become a nurses aide, and a dream to make something of myself. For as long as I could remember, I had dreams of becoming a Registered Nurse. I never thought of doing anything else; nothing else appealed to me. I went to BOCES (a technical school) my junior and senior year of high school. Junior year I spent completing the certified nurses aide program and after that, I was able to work in nursing homes, rehabs, and hospitals helping people with their daily needs. Senior year, I took a class that allowed me to shadow health care professionals in Northern Westchester Hospital in Mt Kisco, NY. That, was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. If there was any hint of doubt in my mind about going into health care, that class totally dismissed it. Even after following surgeons, respiratory therapists, physical and occupational therapist, radiologists, and more, nursing was still for me.

Before I graduated, I got a job at a hospital as a patient care technician. That job allows me to care for patients, assisting them with washing, cleaning, feeding, dressing…basically everything that they need. I thought that would be a good step, getting me acquainted more with the field in which I wished to make a career. I have been there for 5 1/2 years now.

As the college applications were sent in (knowing nursing is a competitive field), I awaited that letter. I sent to several schools my plea to let me into their programs, however, only one replied…and that one was Pace University. Their exact words were “ I wanted to be the first to let you know: the answer is YES! You have been admitted as a freshmen for the fall of 2006. Welcome to Pace” ( I know this because I still have that letter). Well here I go…I’m now officially a college student…yes!! I was so excited. I was going into a RN program, and a very well known and good one at that. I actually almost couldn’t afford to go there because Pace is a private school and in return is very expensive. In a nutshell, that worked out and I got to go there.

I went to Pace for 3 school years. I met some cool people, attended all my classes, (never failed one), participated in school events, and even joined a nursing club. However, it wasn’t all bliss for me. Pace gave me diddly squat for financial aid. I received $200 a semester from a school that cost over $15,000 for one semester. That was one, pretty major problem right there. That problem alone almost made me have to drop out pretty much every semester I was there.
On top of that, they didn’t let me into the nursing program right away, I had to wait until my 5th semester there until they finally let me into the first round of nursing classes. Before this I had taken all my prerequisites, and then some. I basically had nothing else left to take there besides those nursing classes. This wasn’t my fault however, because as I already mentioned, I never failed one class, so it wasn’t me being lazy. It was incompetent guidance counselors that didn’t know their ass from their elbow. For example, one semester, my counselor advised me to register for my first round of nursing classes. Me, being a naive, first child in the family to go to college chick, did as she said, of course, why would I question it? After all, this counselor had been working there for a very long time, so she knew the ins and outs…or so I thought. At this point, I hadn’t completed the appropriate science classes to be able to get into these nursing classes (which I registered for in April). I didn’t know that when I registered however, I trusted my advisor. That summer, I took a study abroad trip to Rome, Italy for 3 weeks (the best time of my life, but that’s another story).

While I was in a whole other time zone half way around the world enjoying the Statue of David, the Coliseum, and being able to drink without being asked for an I.D, the school decided to send a letter home telling me of the problem and that I had to drop all my classes; this was the end of June. So, I had to drop everything and take the leftover classes that were left open when I got back home (by now it was the beginning of July), that was a waste of time….

Pretty much every semester after that I had encountered a problem. There was not one that went smoothly. My final semester there I was finally in the classes I needed to be and I did great. I went on my clinical through maternity, and even my clinical instructor mentioned how good I was doing. She even could tell I was comfortable with the patients (being that I work in a hospital) and that I knew what I was doing….I was pretty much a zombie that semester (PTM knows.) I would wake up for class around 6am, drive to school, be in class from 7am to 3pm on a early day, some days went from 7am to 6pm, go and study until 230am at my friends house, drive home 45 minutes, go to sleep by 3am and wake up at 6am to do it all over again. Oh yeah, and throw in some work evenings too from 3-1130. Believe me, I’m not complaining. I loved my classes and I did very well, never failed a test or assignment or any of that.

I had to take a required math test to get into the next level of nursing classes. For this exam, you had to get a 90 or better (when the year before it was an 85 or better) and you only get two tries (when the year before it was three tries). The first test I got a 85 (questions were 5 pts. a piece). The question I got wrong I actually didn’t, it was in the wrong form (I had it in decimal and they wanted it in fraction, which wasn’t in the directions nor was it taught to us that way in class)…of course I had to take it over. The test was given the week before class was supposed to start. I got an 80. I found that out two days before classes were beginning. This meant I couldn’t take the next level of classes and I had to drop everything yet again. This would mean another round of ridiculous classes that I didn’t need. I had to make the decision to leave Pace that day in just a couple hours time because I found out the info at 12 in the afternoon and the offices closed at 3. That was January 2008…

Well.. I was out of school for about a year, just working ( still at the hospital). I eventually attended a community college about 50 minutes away. When i enrolled, I was told that I would just have to wait one semester to get into nursing classes because I a a transfer student and there are others ahead of me. So for one semester I took a couple of silly prerequisite classes...awaiting to start my real classes. Of course, I go to register and the counselor says...I have to wait a year and a half before I can get into nursing classes...not one semester.
I have since left that school also.
I attended BOCES again for the Licensed Practical Nursing program. A very intense 10 month program. I have now just finished that program ladies and gentlemen. Now I am just awaiting to take my state boards and officially become a LPN.
I will go back for my RN after the wedding. But it sure does feel good to finally have accomplished something.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

wedding songs

As some of you might know, I am getting married. Next year in October. Now, my post today is about wedding music. You know how when your at a wedding you can expect to hear a few certain group dance songs, like the electric slide, for example. Well, I have no problem with this. However, I do have a problem with some of these chosen dance songs that I do not want played. For example:

cotton eye joe

the chicken dance

Now...I don't know, maybe its just me, but these songs are just a little...I don't for my tastes. My fiance insists that these songs be played because its a wedding and that's what you do. I'm not opposed to the electric slide, macarena or cupid shuffle lets say. But these two...NO WAY!!
Am I being a little to anal, or do I have a legitimate reason to not have these songs played? Anybody else feel like me...or anybody else want me to shut the hell up and play the damn songs?

Photo of the Week

The little sprout.

Monday, August 15, 2011

What Grinds My Gears

What grinds my gears for this week is short and to the point....Facebook.
Now, what bothers me about facebook is that you can add anybody you want to be your "friend", and if they accept you, you are now"friends". I have added a lot of people to my list of friends that i don't necessarily know very well...a lot of acquaintances actually. You know, people you meet in college, or old high school kids from your graduating class.
What I don't get is, even though you friended me on facebook/ accepted my friend request, it's still considered odd or weird if I comment on your status or wall unless we were actually friends in real life....why is that?
I would think that if we are friends on facebook, it gives me fair game to comment on whatever you post at my own free will....and shouldn't have to feel weird about doing so.
How come that is? Am I the only one who comes across this problem? Should I just delete these people I don't feel would except my comments? I should just be able to comment or like your status, right?.....Right???

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Golden Recipe Book- # 47

This is a preview of my recipes for my new cookbook, coming out May 2012. Please take a sneak peek at whats to come.
How to: Make a baby.
1 vagina
2 boobs (big or small)
1-2 throbbing penis's (can substitute with turkey baster is penis is not desirable)
1 oz of warm sperm
1 egg
Step 1: Set vagina to desired temperature
Step 2: Shake boobs
Step 3: Rub penis
Step 4: Place prepared penis into warmed vagina
( for about 10 seconds to 1 hour, or until tender)
Step 5: Inject 1 oz of warm sperm into cooked vagina
Step 6: Wait for sperm to find egg
Step 7: Bake for 9 months
Can be served with warm apple pie.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Photo of the Week

This is a little stream in a park by my house. Actually, one of my favorite pics.

Monday, August 8, 2011

What Really Grinds My Gears

This week, this rant is more about what puzzles/saddens me more than what angers me.
Like many of you, I have a job. Weird right? Well I work in a hospital as an aide. This is pretty much the only real job I had since the only job I had before this was a typical "first job" for a kid in high school. I have been working there for about 5 1/2 years now, and what gets me, is the fact that I don't really have any friends there.
What puzzles me more is that, I have been there for a decent chunk of time and have no friends, but people who come in brand new are friends with the whole staff by 6 months in.
I'm not saying I need to make best friends with everyone in there, because I go to work to do my job, make some money, and hopefully keep as many patients as I can comfortable. But, it still would be nice to have someone I can take a 15 with or have someone I talk to or see outside of work.
Maybe its me? I'm not a very outgoing person, but I'm also not a loner either. I'd rather be around people then be alone. I say my hello's and how are you's, and I do have mindless chit-chat with my co-workers, but I can't say I would indulge anyone with my personally life ( because I don't know anyone like that, not because I'm against it). I mean, I do talk about new things that are going on in my life, like school, nursing, or wedding stuff, but that's about it. I don't know. I guess its me? I guess I need to be more outgoing, but I feel like it takes two to have any kind of relationship, why does it seems like I always have to be the one to be forward first?
Well, I won't be at this hospital for much longer. I just graduated an LPN program, and they do not hire LPN's there. So I will have to be finding new employment hopefully by next month. I am excited about starting fresh and giving a new name to myself at wherever I end up.

Friday, August 5, 2011

A Tasting to Remember

Last night, me and my fiance went to our venue where we are getting married to have a taste tasting. I had gotten an email a few weeks ago inviting us to this event, and it was free for us, so why not right? The event was set up like a real wedding would be set up ( pre-cocktails, cocktail hour, dinner, and dessert) Pre-cocktail hour consist of a signature drink ( of your choice at your own wedding) coffee, tea...things of that nature ( basically for the guests who arrive a little early to your event). We had a pink Sunrise, yum.
Next was the cocktail hour. Now in the real package we get all this food, plus any extra stations we would want to add ( still a little early for us to decide on that). Anyways...they had a seafood station with Ice Sculpture surrounding the seafood, a very pretty ensemble. You will have to ask PTM how it was because I'm not a big seafood eater. I do want it at the wedding though because many people do eat seafood and I want my guests to be satisfied with what they track again. They also had a carving station which consisted of a pork tenderloin with cranberry chutney or turkey breasts with different mustard dipping sauces. In the next room, they had your typical cheese and cracker station with an assortment of cheeses and crackers. The slider station ( which is an extra) was very cool, they served little tiny cheeseburgers with lettuce, tomato, onions, topped with a tiny pickle and a little side of potato crisps ( I was impressed with how good it tasted) Next to that was the pasta station serving a tortellini in a white sauce and penne ala vodka. Over once again to the right was a filet mignon station ( extra, but we are also gonna have it cause i really really want it!) . Here they cook the meat right in from of you and it was to die for. So tender and juicy and the gravy was a-a-a-a-mazing. Amazing. They also have a wok station with sesame chicken, beef and broccoli, and vegetable fried rice. On top of all this food, they have 10 butler passed hors d'oeuvre 's that i cant remember off the top of my head...some included fried calamari, apple smoked pork kabobs, pigs in a blanket, and coconut shrimp. Oh, I forgot to mention the open bar for the whole tasting too.
Now if you weren't filled to the brim already, we now have the dinner to attend. We started we a champagne toast and "first dance" for all the engaged couples. We had choice of a steak dish, chicken stuffed with spinach and asiago cheese, a fish ( which I can't remember right now), and eggplant rolatini for you vegetarians out there. I got ordered the steak and PTM ordered the chicken. But before we even get to that....we have a beautiful salad with vinaigrette served with slices of fresh mozzarella and tomato. After this we are served a sorbet to cleanse our pallet. We receive our dinner and I can just barely shovel a few bites of steak into my mouth ( also, so tender and juicy, seasoned just right). They did allow us to wrap it to take it home. After this, they come around with a cordial cart for a after dinner drink. Then we get to watch a showing of bananas foster flambe. Which was also amazing, I just wish I could have ate more of it. On top of that...we got to sample four different wedding cakes from the bakery we will be getting ours from. My favorite was the white cake frosted with buttercream and filled with hazelnut filling and a raspberry filling.
It was such a good time besides the food. I can't wait to get married. I know our guests will be busting at the seams with all this food, which is what I want. I don't like thinking that guests will be hungry at a wedding...just doesn't seem right.
I'm still filled from last night, and probably won't be eating until this evening.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Photo of the Week

One thing I wanted to do was this thing I call "Photo of the Week". I'm just going to post some pictures that I have took myself, with my own camera, ( not stolen from online). Kinda lookin' for some feedback; I do like taking pictures but I don't know how good my skills really are. Let me know what you think!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I Don't Know What I'm Doing Here...Yet

As you can obviously tell, I am completely new to the blog world. Before this, the most I knew how to do was comment on someone's blog; and even then, I didn't even make the account in order to do that (someone else did it for me). If any of your are follows of Just the Cheese, that is where you would recognize me from. I am Powdered Toast Man's fiance. Once in a blue moon back in the day, I would comment on his blog posts...(he begged me was pathetic!! teehee). That was the extent of it really. I was not a fan of the whole blogging thing, with legitimate reasons that I don't need to air out on here. However, the situation has changed and I guess I'm more open to it now then I was before.
I really have no clue what I'm going to be writing about on here...I didn't really put much thought into creating this before I did. It was an impromptu creation. Really, I did it for my fiance more then anything. He apparently enjoys this and wanted me to be apart of it in some way. I guess you do crazy things when your in love.
Anywho, like I said, I really don't know what I'm going to be saying to you guys on here yet. It will probably be a mix of my ranting, picture of the week, wedding new/updates, career news, and whatever else I can think up.
Keep in Touch!

Monday, August 1, 2011

What Really Grinds My Gears.. Fakeness

Sorry, but I have to rant a little bit.

I hate it when I see a girl that has no sense of who she really is. I can't stand when I see someone who always needs a man in her life, and on top of that, she takes on the traits of her man as her own. Example, he likes rap, so she likes rap, the next guy likes country so she suddenly loves it. Don't get me wrong, I know when your with someone they open you up to new things, but when you don't even act like yourself anymore and even take on the personality of your man...give me a break!!. I mean, I listen to Powdered Toast Man's music and watch his TV shows because I'm with him , but I don't pretend to be a big fan when I'm not. On top of that, when her prioroties aren't straight in her life, like when her 5 minute friends are more important then the real ones, time to get a reality check. Or when she follows, and I mean follow by literally going to the same school he does; and if he is not in school, then she doesn't care about her own education!

Am I the only one who feels like this? Does anybody else know someone like this?

I don't know, just needing to vent a little bit, just some things really irk my last nerve! Maybe you can tell, but I've been scorned by someone like this. And it actually saddens me to see the lack of personality here.

Maybe I'll be doing the What Really Grinds My Gears rant every so often from now on to get some things off my chest, it did clear my mind actually.